My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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