Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
