after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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