Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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