Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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