I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Randomize
