I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
