life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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