Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
