My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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