what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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