Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
