Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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