remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
