why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
