I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Congratulations! We have a period
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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