Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
