i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
