I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
