I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
