He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
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