Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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