Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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