You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Girls should come with a carfax report
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
