I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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