at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
