There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
