id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
