No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Randomize
