just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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