I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
