I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize