this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
