I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I deserve this hangover.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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