all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
