weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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