Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
