he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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