i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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