but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
