If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
