we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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