Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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