i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
