if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
