I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
