He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
