when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
