can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
