24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
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