C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
