i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
