If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
